Have to

I hate my school. I absolutely despise it. I can’t take going there anymore. I can’t even breathe in there. It’s as if I’m walking into hell itself. Every sense in my body screams, and yells, and begs, for me to run out of that place.

The sad thing is, I have to hold onto school. I have to because it’s the only place I can run away to, away from my mother. There, even though I’m miserable... it just isn’t the same.

So every fucking day I walk to school and it’s the same fucking routine, with the same fucking teachers and the same fucking classmates and I am just so over done with this. I always feel strung along through some bullshit routine that I never even agreed upon, much less wanted for myself.

I can take the bullying. I can take the fact that I have only one friend here. The thing that I can’t take is that I’m forced to deal with this and with what I have at home. What’s the point? Why put me through misery like this? If there’s some sort of God… what’s the lesson?

What did I do- no, better question: what the fuck did my siblings do to deserve this?

Why is this happening to anyone, much less us?

When is someone going to help me? Because I’m drowning here.