Thursday, April 7, 2011

15 Minutes

I lost control of my body and switched places with Grey for a full 15 minutes today.

It started off slow. First, my hand felt numb. I shook my hand around. It didn't help. Then, I lost all feeling in my hand. And then my arm. And, like a wave crashing down and sweeping me away, Grey emerged inside of me and dragged me away with the tide.

He replaced me. On one level, I was alone on the ground near the River. On another, I could see Grey using my body. He walked towards a mirror. He looks into the mirror. He smiled into the mirror. He was smiling at me. He won. This was his moment of triumph. It was my disaster.

He turned around, and took his time strolling out of my bedroom. He looked downstairs.

I could hear him think to himself: "I can't wait to choke the life out of her, Owen."

Panic pushed me up out of the dirt. I was alone in a barren wasteland. I had to save my mother. There was no one around to save me. I had to stop Grey. The roar of the River filled my ears. Underneath, there was the masked sound of Grey descending the stairwell.

I ran towards the River. Grey stepped onto the first floor and headed towards the laundry room. I felt so dizzy. Mom was likely smoking in there, or fighting with grammie. I wasn't going to make it. He opens the door. She's not there. I see the shore. I run straight into the frigid waters.

I'm immersed in water as Grey turns around and faces my mother. I'm sinking like a stone in the sea as he walks towards her. She asks what I want as Grey chuckles to himself. He says... things. Things that I wish I just had the courage to say. It's a verbal onslaught. The water plunges down my throat and into my lungs and I'm drowning as I reach out just as Grey imagines himself choking my mother to death. It's all over. I've grabbed onto him. I drag him back into my self.

He went back without a word, but I could feel his anger.

And I'm pushed back into consciousness and my mother pounces. She grabbed me by the hair and began to scream at me. Her face was so red and her eyes were- are- so violent.

An hour later and I'm upstairs again. I cried alone in the corner of the room. Then I texted Steven, and he notifies me to hang on, that the meds will get to me soon.

All the while, Grey is so silent. I can hardly feel him anymore. Why is that? What's happened?

This scares me more than him constantly laughing. 

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