Thursday, April 7, 2011

Dying III

Look at all that pain. What am I even living for? So I can experience more trauma? It's silly. It's irresponsible. Need to just give up, give in, and forget and let go. There's no reason to keep going anyway. What do I think is going to happen? That there's going to be some sort of fucking happy ending? As if that would ever happen. And even if it did.... even if it did, it would be just too late.

I can't stop him. There's nothing I can do to protect myself from him. He sees my pain, he feels my pain. He's Death, and I'm barely alive. This isn't a life, what I have. I'm just holding onto a hope that was never even there. I feel sleepy. So sleepy. I just want to give up. That's all I want.

Every time I see Grey, now I just see my mother, and her hands around my throat.

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