Friday, April 1, 2011

The River IV

-ll right Owen, you can hold me as long as you want. You may be cold, but I'm warm."

I come to, and Grey's embracing me. I yell out and push him away, and I fall down to my knees. He jumps down to his knees, puts two fingers under my chin, and lifts my head up.

"It's alright. No one will know. I just want to make you feel happy."

I get up and shove him again, and back away from him.

"Don't do that, Owen. Please. Come on. You were holding on so tight to me moments ago... your soul wants to be with me. Why can't you just accept it?"

I don't answer. I don't even move.

He steps closer.

"You need a hug, don't you? No.. you need more than that. You need some actual goddamn love. When was the last time anyone told you they love-"

"Stop it, stop it, stop!"

I scream out in desperation, and hold my head; it feels like it's about to explode.

 "You need somebody to love you. And you've finally found that person. Don't push me away... you might not ever meet anyone that will again."

I. I grip my hair and clench my teeth.

He puts both hands on my shoulders.

"I can, and will, help you. She's not going to bully you around any longer."

His hand's on my cheek now.

"Just let me in, and all this-"

The scenery of the River bleeds away, and we fall into a blaze of my past memories. I'm being absorbed by the past. But then, Grey grabs me, and pulls me up. We float together, in the eye of a hurricane of memories. Our eyes are locked on each other.

"-all of this will bleed away. You can say goodbye to all the pain, misery, and... and especially the fear. All you have to do is letmein."


I just want to say... I almost agreed to letting him in. I truly almost did. I was willing to give up all that I was just to ease the suffering. But then I remembered what he said he was going to do to my mother. And I couldn't ever agree to that.

Despite everything she's done to my family, I still love her. I don't know if I should, but I do.

And so I said no.

Grey's hand leaves my cheek and grips around my throat. Instead of warmth, it felt frozen.

Grey's stare morphs into a glare, and he pushes me into the blaze of memories. It feels like I'm being held out the side of a car and my head is colliding with sign after sign after steel sign, over and over again.

"That was your last chance, boy. We're done here."

He lets go of me and I fall back into the past and I black out. I think that maybe the dream ends there.

I'm wrong.

 I don't... want to really talk about what happened next. So let's skip.

We skip, and I'm here, typing. But I don't publish the post. I wait until now. Just... waited.

I'm scared. I think these dreams... or nightmares.... I think.

I think they're not. And I'm scared. 

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