Monday, April 25, 2011

Up the Wolves VI

My moods were so unpredictable when I was taking those pills. One moment I'd feel like not only could I defeat my mother, I could liberate an entire nation of downtrodden individuals. Then the next, I'd be crying and wondering if anyone would help me ever.

Now I'm just numb. Now I just stay in bed. Now I don't try. Because if I don't try, then I don't have to feel the stings of constantly failing, of constantly being alone. I don't have to leave the confines of my room. I don't have to rise to the justice of others. I could just...

It's selfish, I guess. But. But. What the hell do I do? Keep trying? IS that what you're seriously suggesting of me!? When nothing good has ever come of that!? What the fuck do you know! You know nothing! How could you ever possibly understand me! Don't tell me to "keep trying"! Don't tell me that bullshit! I've tried enough. I've done enough. I'm done.

No one else is doing anything. So why should I.

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